Taking Control of Your Life by Becoming Empowered

Some weekends ago I went for a stroll at Cape Henlopen State Park. It’s a relaxing walk and one which lets you get back to nature. There is a nice path that runs along the beach. Finding a quiet spot I sat under a tree and started thinking about my life, and whether I was doing the work that I wanted to do. I thought I was in reasonable control of my life, and felt somewhat empowered. Not exactly sure what the meaning of empowered covered I grabbed my phone, and discovered it to mean a state of mind in which that you have control of your life. The benefits are of being in this state of mind are clear, if we are in control we feel happier and  function better socially. When you feel confident that you are in control you make better decisions, and can take steps to achieve your goals and ambitions.

Like most things in life, empowerment is not a utopian mental state that we should aim to achieve, but more of a state that we should aim for, and that allows us to come to terms with life and to live life to the fullest. Being empowered is not the ability of not experiencing feelings that are negative like frustration, anger grief, or sadness.

Being empowered gives us the ability to experience life at its fullest, both the ups and downs and allows us to be able to come to terms with our feelings in a healthy way. Holding a grudge for instance, although it may be a normal human reaction, is unhealthy for our mental wellbeing. I remember someone saying once, it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. The ability to let go and not hold bitterness is difficult for many people, myself included. Just to clarify, I’m not talking about forgetting, just forgiving. By forgiving you are permitting yourself to let the issue go, and that act in itself plays a very important role in our mental well-being. The more baggage we carry around the more difficult it is for us to live an anxiety free life.

Understand that it takes time to deal with bad experiences. However, as a goal, we need to try to come to terms with the situation, and let go of the past. Otherwise slowly we get weighed down, and this will lead to feelings of misery, anxiety and tiredness. Living a healthy life and eating fruits and vegetables and exercising are also beneficial for our minds. However, it goes a bit deeper than that.

Purpose in Life

“Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.” – John F. Kennedy

Where we see a purpose in life we can endure great difficulties, and still get through them. A sense of purpose allows us to be resilient and gives us a sense of hope. A feeling of purpose can come about by working in a job where you feel that you are adding value and that your talents and skills are properly used and appreciated. Work environments in which you have developed close friendships and work well together also foster a sense of purpose and belonging. This makes sense since a big part of our lives is spent in at work. Having a purpose does not mean you will not have any problems. It does, however, give you a roadmap and with the right planning and goals, you can take those small steps each day to and head in the right direction to achieve your goal.

Spiritual Well being

Mindfulness or any type of mediation allows you to learn to be in the present, and when regularly practiced are very helpful to deal with stress and help you relax. The strength that comes from a sense of inner peace, is that we become more aware not only that we have the freedom to choose, but also that we have options. This freedom gives us great power to feel that we are masters of our calling. Those choices need to be considered carefully since sometimes some slight fine-tuning of your existing situation can make your life a lot more enjoyable.

Each day we should practice getting in touch with our spiritual side, whether this spiritual side involves religion or some other process to get in touch with our inner self. These ongoing sessions should take place regularly during the week. For most power, we shouldn’t resort to religion or meditation only at times when things are starting to go pair-shaped. Whether we use meditation or religion to help us it is important that we engage in these actions each day. As this will hone your skills and allow you to be most effective if you do experience some tough times.

If you are not inclined to meditate or are not very religious, then there are other techniques you can use. For example, you could go for a short walk to clear your head. We all need some time for ourselves, and sometimes a walk and some careful thinking are all we need to come up with a plan.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.” Marianne Williamson

Optimism

We have all read the articles that being optimistic is good for us and that we should all be optimistic. But let’s face it, in this day and age we can’t be expected to be optimistic all the time. Life has many challenges, and you can have the best plans laid out and suddenly life throws you a curveball and says catch this. It would be silly to suggest we won’t have some dark moments that challenge us. However, when we have those dark moments we must have the presence of mind to understand that we need to leave these dark places sooner rather than later.

A useful life hack to allow us to get out of those low moments is to focus on seeing the positive in the small things of life. I’m not suggesting we need to do a song and dance, but just to appreciate some small things. Research has shown that that people that practice gratitude are better able to cope, and have more resilience.

A week ago I was watching a documentary on centenarians and the one thing that struck me with every one of those amazing people is how optimistic they were about life. One of the elderly ladies was talking about how lucky her life was, and that she was blessed. Then soon after she talked about her marriage and how at one point she had children, but that they had unfortunately passed away. Despite these tragic events, she still could look at those happy moments she had with her family and that kept her going. The ability to think ahead and believe that there is hope at the end of your journey is a very good quality that we need to focus on and cultivate. Hope has shown time and time again is what keeps people putting one foot in front of the other and keep going.

Challenge your thoughts

We all tend to be too critical of ourselves most of the time. We need to challenge that inner critic in our heads. This inner critic dedicates a lot of time to convince you of all the things you are not good at, and why you shouldn’t attempt that goal or that challenge.

Just because you are having these thoughts however does not mean that they are correct. Some of these thoughts have been implanted in our heads subconsciously over many years. If we want to change our lives we need to challenge this thinking. We need to overcome the fears associated with challenging these thoughts. The way we challenge these thoughts is to take action. We need to take action despite the fear. Next time the inner critic starts talking to you, try to break the train of thought and challenge it. Ask yourself, “is this thought trying to build me up or pull me down?” The best way to rationalize and neutralize those thoughts is by thinking about the situation objectively, and try to be objective in your assessment.

 “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn.

Your environment plays an enormous role in your success, if you want to be optimistic you need to surround yourself with people that are in the main optimistic. This is something that you will need to determine yourself.

If a friend is going through a bad patch I’m not suggesting you abandon them. However, we all know people who are generally optimistic in life and others who are pessimists. The general rule is to try to hang around optimists since we tend to absorb other people’s energy. This is true whether they are optimists or pessimists.

Having a purpose in life and an attitude of gratitude will allow us to live a life in which we can weather difficult times. With a strong sense of purpose, we will develop resilience and the determination to just keep going. We can’t expect to live a life in which everything is rosy, however with the right frame of mind we can have hope, and focus on improving ourselves and achieving our goals.